Terror in the Night

I had a dream that made me afraid. As I was lying in my bed, the images and visions that passed through my mind terrified me. (Daniel 4:5 NIV)

Recently I attended a men's retreat and, during one of the discussion groups, the following question was on a list for comment topics: "when was the time in your life when you felt farthest from God?" I had nothing to say at the time, but later the question came to mind as I wrestled with sleeplessness late that night.

Periodic insomnia is a curse I inherited from my father, though thankfully not to the degree he suffered from it. All through the decade of my 40's, long estranged from God and fellow believers, and deeply ambivalent as to the truth of Christianity, I would lie awake during my occasional bouts at the darkest and loneliest time of night--2 or 3 o'clock in the morning. At all other times of the day and night I was successful in pushing away the question of my eternity, but not then. A sense of dread and even terror would descend on me as I examined myself. I could feel my life slipping away from me, as if through my fingers. My thoughts would range far and wide, sometimes never coalescing into anything other than my sense of dread, but often they centered around my abandonment of God and the question of faith. If God didn't exist, my life was meaningless, hopeless, and inexorably leeching away. If God did exist, I was wasting my only opportunity to secure my relationship with him.

Despite the horror of those experiences, I never once awakened my wife in bed next to me, but lay there alone in my dread, heart pounding, sometimes sweating, sometimes chilled to the bone. It was then that I felt farthest from God, utterly cut off from his presence. Eventually I would fall asleep, and when I would awake the next morning, the terror of the night before would be pushed aside as I got on with the day.

On this sleepless night at the retreat, however, it occurred to me that ever since I had reconciled with God, I no longer experienced these night terrors. Sleeplessness had become an opportunity for prayer; self-examination an occasion for resolve and hope. Because I am confident in God's existence, his forgiveness, and his presence, I'm no longer tortured by the anxieties that once plagued me.

To Richard Dawkins, Sam Harris and the other new breed of activists atheists, this phenomenon is a sign of the mental weakness of Christians, religion as a psychological "crutch", or surrogate father figure as Sigmund Freud asserted in his writings. The folly of this theory is clear when one asks how the three Christian men who were horribly tortured for three hours before having their throats slit by Islamic fanatics in Malatya, Turkey last week were made more psychologically "comfortable" by their Christian faith. Here is a link to the story, but be warned: the appalling medieval atrocities committed on their bodies is sickening. Even discounting the kind of persecution endured by Christians in other countries, there is the social exclusion and contempt from non-believing friends, and even family, that Jesus warned would be the cost of discipleship.

If the world hates you, you know that it hated me first. If you belonged to the world, the world would love its own. But because you do not belong to the world and I have chosen you out of it, the world will hate you. Do you remember what I said to you, 'The servant is not greater than his master'? If they have persecuted me, they will persecute you as well... (John15:18-20 Phillips translation)

The point is that as Christians we have hope: the assurance of God's forgiveness and an eternal existence with him. We also have the promise of peace of mind, whether in the midst of horrible persecution such as those even now experienced by so many believers in other countries, or the everyday doubts, or snubs, or social insults we may face in the relative safety of the United States.

No temptation has come your way that is too hard for flesh and blood to bear. But God can be trusted not to allow you to suffer any temptation beyond your powers of endurance. He will see to it that every temptation has a way out, so that it will never be impossible for you to bear it. (I Corinthians 10:13 Phillips translation)

We even have peace of mind during those sleepness nights when the inevitable questions arise about the direction of our lives, career, finances and accomplishments.

Don't worry over anything whatever; tell God every detail of your needs in earnest and thankful prayer, and the peace of God which transcends human understanding, will keep constant guard over your hearts and minds as they rest in Christ Jesus. (Philippians 4:6,7 Phillips translation)

Why?

Thus they became fatuous in their argumentations, and plunged their silly minds still further into the dark. Behind a facade of "wisdom" they became just fools, fools who would exchange the glory of the eternal God for an imitation image of a mortal man, or of creatures that run or fly or crawl. They gave up God: and therefore God gave them up - (Romans 1:21-24 Phillips translation)

With the atrocity that happened at Virginia Tech at the hands of Cho Seung-Hui, many are asking, "why?" For those who believe in a sovereign God, this and a thousand other acts of human evil can be a test of that faith.

But the fact is that it is only from a place of faith in a sovereign God that the question has any meaning. To ask the question is to first borrow a whole set of presuppositions and system of values that come to us only through the God-revealed truth of Scripture.

In a Darwinian, godless universe, human beings, the human mind, and all our social constructs are the product of evolution for the expedience of survival. "Good" and "Bad" don't really exist objectively, they are merely illusions of social convention, the result of myth that worked themselves out from the dreams of slowly progressing social orders (bands, tribes, cities, nations, civilizations, religions, etc.) In this Darwinian worldview, "good" and "bad" should be replaced by "successful" and "unsuccessful," for those are the only real criteria for existence. The question "why?" in any sort of moral sense, has no meaning. This was merely another unsuccessful variant of evolutionary social process. Feel whatever rage, sorrow, or pity you like, but realize that those feelings are nothing but the interactions of chemicals and electrical impulses in your brain. Free will itself, becomes an illusion from this perspective. What humans subjectively think of as "choices" they make, are in reality nothing more than the effects of external causes, a type of Newtonian physics of action and reaction on a social level, or the mechanistic workings of biological drives and imperatives.

If you are stirred with compassion for the loved ones of those killed, outraged at this act of evil, and grieved to ask how a loving God could allow it, know that in the asking, you are, at least tacitly, assenting to God's law, "you shall not murder" as an objective moral truth.

Spiritual

"Sir," said the woman again, "I can see that you are a prophet! Now our ancestors worshipped on this hill-side, but you Jews say that Jerusalem is the place where men ought to worship -"
"Believe me," returned Jesus, "the time is coming when worshipping the Father will not be a matter of 'on this hill-side' or 'in Jerusalem'. Nowadays you are worshipping with your eyes shut. We Jews are worshipping with our eyes open, for the salvation of mankind is to come from our race. Yet the time is coming, yes, and has already come, when true worshippers will worship in spirit and in reality. Indeed, the Father looks for men who will worship him like that. God is spirit, and those who worship him can only worship in spirit and in reality." (John 4:20-24 Phillips translation)

It has become fashionable these days to say, "I'm not religious, but I'm a 'spiritual' person." The problem with this, of course, is that few who make such statements could begin to define what they mean by "spiritual." Often it's used as a shield to hide behind, a way to avoid any serious question of faith, God, and human responsibility. Commonly the statement is followed with, "I just don't like organized religion," and finished off with, "more people have been killed in the name of religion than for any other cause," after which they nod with self-satisfaction, and the assurance that they are justly absolved from any further consideration of anything deemed "religious."

Even academics employ this verbal tactic. Francis Schaeffer wrote about this maneuver among the "new" theologians in his book The God Who is There:

But in the new theology, use is made of certain religious words which have a connotation of personality and meaning to those who hear them. Real communication is not in fact established, but an illusion of communication is given by employing words rich in connotation...So when the new theology uses such words, without definition, an illusion of meaning is given which is pragmatically useful in arousing deep motivations.

This is something beyond emotion. An illusion of communication and content is given so that, when a word is used in this deliberately undefined way, the hearer 'thinks' he knows what it means. (pg. 56,57)


The Bible tells us very specific things about the nature of spirit, so as Christians, if we are Biblically literate, when we speak about our spirit, or God being a spirit, or "spiritual" things, we have a clear set of properties and attributes in mind: non-material, invisible, eternal, yet containing the true essence, personality, and constitution of the individual. When we read that Jesus said, "God is spirit," we understand that he is telling us that God is not a physical, material, and finite being but rather an eternal, supernatural, and transcendent being; that when he said those who worship God must worship Him, "in spirit and in reality," he meant we must worship God not just in physical, material ways, but also by engaging our essential being in faith--not just going through the motions, but in reality.

Perhaps the next time someone tells you he or she is not religious, but is a "spiritual" person, challenge them to define "spiritual" for you. And then respectfully confront them with the Biblical meaning of spiritual: to worship the one, true, and personal God, "in spirit and in truth."

Perspective

Then Job arose and tore his robe and shaved his head and fell on the ground and worshiped. And he said, “Naked I came from my mother's womb, and naked shall I return. The Lord gave, and the Lord has taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord.” (Job 1:20,21 ESV)

I recently overheard a discussion between two women, one who is a professed Christian, the other who is not. The nonbeliever had started by saying she was "praying to God" that she and her husband would get the house they are trying to buy. When the Christian woman tried to explain the necessity of having a relationship with God for prayer to be effective, the nonbeliever bristled and said, "I pray to God all the time and he never answers my prayers!"

The absurdity of praying "all the time" to God, whom you believe "never" answers your prayers aside, the human tendency to blame God for everything bad that happens, yet fail to give Him credit and gratitude for anything good, is pretty much universal. Much of this attitude is a defense mechanism, a way to justify one's refusal to submit to God. Why submit to God when He is so cruel as to allow all these bad things to happen to us? Many, as Dostoyevsky wrote of his character Ivan in the The Brothers Karamazov use it as a rationale for denying the existence of God: "I renounce the higher harmony altogether," declared Ivan. "It's not worth the tears of...one tortured child."

C.S. Lewis dealt at length with this question in his (highly recommended) book The Problem of Pain. He starts chapter 2 this way:

"If God were good, He would wish to make His creatures perfectly happy, and if God were almighty, He would be able to do what He wished. But the creatures are not happy. Therefore God lacks either goodness, or power, or both." This is the problem of pain, in its simplest form.

This is not the place to re-state Lewis' arguments; I couldn't hope to match his eloquence and brilliance anyway. I'll just commend the book to all. But I would like to make the point that much of our struggle with this question, even as believers, is due to perspective: ours, as finite and mortal, is so limited.

The passage beginning this piece is probably the most quoted from the book of Job. And, while verse 22 tells us that, in all this Job did not sin or charge God with wrong, a careful reading shows that Job went on to vigorously "blame" God for the evil that had befallen him and others (see 9:23-24; 10:8,16,20; 21:17-26, 30-32; 24:1-12; 30:21), for which God roundly rebuked him.

Most of God's rebuke to Job is in the form of questions concerning the majesty and complexity of creation, but in 40:8 He says, "Would you discredit my justice? Would you condemn me to justify yourself?" (NIV) Of course this is exactly what most humans do who seek to escape surrender to God. But even those who have surrendered to God fall to the temptation of "blaming" Him for the evil that transpires in their lives.

To Job's accusation that God was responsible for his misery, God's answer seems to be that he should keep his mouth shut because he was speaking about the nature of reality whose vast complexity he was completely incapable of comprehending. When Job is given a glimpse of this divine perspective through God's discourse, he says, "Surely I spoke of things I did not understand, things too wonderful for me to know." (Job 42:3 NIV)

When I first overheard the woman's complaint that God "never" answered her prayers, I was tempted to say, "sure He did; He answered every one of them...with, 'NO!'" Such a frivolous statement would have done more harm than good, but there is a kernel of truth to it in that what we often conceive as divine silence, or worse, indifference, is always simply a lack of understanding or limited perspective of the reality. We make demands of God, or draw conclusions about His nature based on our desires and expedience.

In the Gospel of Mark we are told when Jesus was before the Sanhedrin, after they had condemned him as deserving death, some began to spit on him and to cover his face and to strike him, saying to him "Prophesy!" (Mark 14:65 ESV) Take note: they demanded a prophesy, not of honest motives, but from their own private incentive to mock and debase Jesus, and vindicate themselves. At perhaps precisely this instant, below in the courtyard, a prophesy of Jesus is fulfilled as Peter, at the insistence of bystanders that he must be a follower of Jesus, began to invoke a curse on himself and to swear, "I do not know this man of whom you speak." And immediately the rooster crowed a second time. And Peter remembered how Jesus had said to him, "Before the rooster crows twice, you will deny me three times." And he broke down and wept. (Mark 14:71,72 ESV)

Here, we too, like Job are given a glimpse of the divine perspective. Those who sarcastically demanded a prophesy from Jesus reveled in their perception of his failure, but from God's perspective their request was all too tragically granted.